锁住时间

最近两个月已经和即将要发生太多事。有人说人生不是赢在起点,而是赢在转折点。但当你努力过后,剩下的也便只能交托给运气。这是一种竭尽全力后的无力感,自信满满地坐以待毙。天时地利人和,一个都少不了。遵从命运的碾压。讽刺吧,我竟然提及了命运二字。这究竟意味着成熟还是变老。

端午小长假追完了 JOJO 第三部星尘斗士。一直觉得大 BOSS 迪奥的替身能力是最强的,暂停时间,任你辗转腾挪上下翻飞,在我的能力面前也只能岿然不动束手就擒,一种天下万物皆备于我的自傲。百无聊赖中又复习了第六部,发现白蛇的替身能力才更可怕,加速时间的流逝,在指针扇叶般的扫动下,一切不确定的未来都得以提前到来,让你将一切看得通透;如果加速足够快,还有可能开启地球文明的新纪元,所有遗憾唏嘘都能在另一个时空里重新来过。但现在静下心来再想,还是一直以来认为的时光倒流能力最牛逼啊。它并非凌驾于自由意志之上,没有强权,也无需追悔,只有它对重来一次的万物是最公平的,一切还能是自然而然从心而发。大概每一个有过人生级懊悔往事的人都会喜欢这能力吧。

这三天憋在屋里哪里都没去。从某个时间起,我发现自己属于传说中的少睡人群,每天只需要四小时睡眠,就能快速充电,精神百倍,投入繁重的工作。我将之视作自然的馈赠,视作我的替身能力,殊不知某种损耗大概正在前路上潜滋暗长,迟早要还。又从某个时间起,我的时间从24小时制变成了12小时制,几乎没有了昼夜轮班的概念,无论醒着睡着都能感到心脏跳着,脑子转着。这让我误以为生命的长度延长了一倍,而宽度或许也将增加一倍。

这样的体质让我喜欢黑夜。最喜欢的虚构角色也总是在皎洁的月光下顶着一副正邪不明的假面,怪盗基德,黑暗骑士。至于善恶是否存在交接,有没有清晰对立面,这两年是愈发模糊了。你一直坚守秉持的,可能在某一刻瞬间坍塌;你所深信不疑的,也可能是缸中脑的致命幻象。毁三观,再重塑三观,打破,重构,拼接破碎,重组完满,于是你有了一颗强心脏,却也不再那么容易信任。去年。今年。此去经年。

有时候在想我们这么努力地追寻的所谓生命意义究竟为何,而不可避免的柴米油盐世俗纷乱究竟是生活的主旋律,还是调味剂。你冲锋陷阵浴血征战,你以一当百万夫莫敌,名垂青史也好,名噪一时也罢,或者只是在网络上出名个三五分钟,这些重要么。常常会有那么一刻,我觉得躺在草坪上观望天上的浮云,才是人生的终极形态,其他一切皆可抛却。这样的念头从未离开过我。

你可以让自己的言行规范像精密运行的钟表,却无法要求世间的相遇重逢是严丝合缝的齿轮。你的身价可以用庸常的货币尺度来计量,但百年之后仍难逃一抔沙一粒尘的终点。雄浑的金字塔镇守着千年以前的信誓旦旦,谁知道王家长眠谷下的英灵们是否正以游客的姿态重新踏上那片曾经深爱的沃土,寻回了上古时代遗失的诺言呢?总之底比斯冥冥之中召唤着,此生必去一次。

明天起又要开始战斗。一切紧锣密鼓顺水推舟地进行着。我会大声喧嚷,我会微笑招手,我会让代表我的那一串数字升上去。

然而,我并不在乎这些。

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